OH WHAT A JACK ASS I AM!!!!

Well, the title of tonight’s blog states it all. I am officially the world’s biggest jack ass. Not to mention totally selfish. “Why do I think I’m a jack ass?” you ask. “What makes you think you are selfish?” you ask. “Why would tonight be any different from any other moment in your life?” you ask. Well stop asking me so damn many questions and I’ll tell you.

OK, so you know how they say that “Merlot and e-mail don’t mix.” Well, I have another one for you: Mike’s Hard Lemonade and texting don’t mix. That’s right, I was drunk texting (Although, if I have to be 100% honest, I wasn’t really all that drunk, but I’m blaming it on the Mike’s anyway). See, I met this guy Jeff at work (way back when I had a job). He’s a nice guy and we hung out a few times, but I never really thought too much about him one way or the other. Then we started working together in the same unit (under THE BITCH*) and became pretty good friends. It was at this point, that I decided I loved Jeff. Now mind you, I loved Jeff, I didn’t LOVE Jeff. I met Jeff’s friend and kinda started making goo-goo eyes at him and flirting my ass off at karaoke. It turns out that the “friend” was no friend at all and really a huge ass hole, so it is a good thing that my flirting never really went beyond that night and I didn’t go home with him (or take him home) which was the plan. There is really only one redeeming factor about the “friend:” AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH men in skirts……

Eventually I got fired from my job and for a while I ignored Jeff (and everyone else too, I was really depressed and didn’t want to talk to anyone, so it wasn’t anything personal about him, just a general ignoring of all human beings who weren’t in a position to give me a job at the time). But I started missing him (and everyone else for that matter) so we emailed a bit, goofed around on facebook.com, and went out a few times. Well now Jeff is moving.

You see, Jeff and I went out on Saturday night, and I had a really good time. And while I never really considered Jeff the boyfriend type it had briefly crossed my mind a few times because he is such a nice guy. But I really didn’t want him or anyone else to think that I was taking advantage of him because he is such a nice guy so I put the thoughts out of my head as soon as they entered. But on Saturday we were sitting listening to a local band play, and flirting mildly back and forth (I said mildly, so no, I didn’t use my normal pick-up line of “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?”), you know, holding hands, making goo-goo eyes (I’m pretty good at the goo-goo eye thing) that sort of thing. He was running his finger tips up and down the inside of my arm and ELECTRICITY ignited! Really, at some point (and I can’t say exactly when), I just looked at him and thought “Man, I’d really like to kiss him right now.” I didn’t do it of course, no one wants their first kiss with someone to be in a noisy crowded bar where you can’t share the moment, and besides, this is Jeff… (And for those of you who know Jeff, you’ll know what I mean when I say that). Even when we left the bar and were saying good night in the parking lot I was thinking to myself “Kiss him. Kiss him now. You’ll regret it if you don’t just grow some balls and DO IT!” But alas I chickened out AGAIN. This is so atypical of me, usually when I want a guy I just go for it and kiss him and see where things lead from there, but for some reason I just couldn’t do it.

Well, that’s not entirely true, there were reasons. Many of them. I was so busy over analyzing everything that I talked myself right out of what was potentially a really great kiss. I just kept thinking “What if he doesn’t want me to kiss him?” “What if he DOES want me to kiss him?” “What if I kiss him and it turns out bad?” “If I kiss him, what does that mean to our friendship?” “What’s the point, he’s leaving the state next weekend anyway?” And worst of all, “Do I want to kiss him because I really like him, or is this just a matter of me being a selfish child and wanting what I know I can’t have?” (Somehow I doubt that is the case) And that is just to name a few of the things going on in my over crowded head with my hyperactive imagination.

So on Monday night I had 4 Mike’s Lemonades and sent him a text asking him what he would say if I told him that when we went out on Saturday night all I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss him. Yeah, I know… STUPID DANA!!!!

Anyway, we had a nice conversation via text (I really need to add texting to my wireless plan if I’m going to keep this up) about how much time we (OK, I) wasted how I feel like a total jack ass for saying that in the first place, but that he likes me too (He likes me, he really likes me!!!!!!). That it’s just too bad that we wasted so much time (part of that because we worked in the same unit at a job that we both hated so we really couldn’t do anything for a while anyway). But he did say that if things don’t work out where he’s going then he’ll be back in Colorado because he prefers it out here.

I want to be supportive and wish him luck, but is it so wrong for me to hope that things don’t work out. And I know I should be adult and wish him the best of luck (and I really do no matter what it may sound like in this blog entry), and as his friend, I really do want things to turn out well for him and for him to be happy. But I still don’t want him to go, or if he HAS to go, I want him to come back.

At least I didn’t tell him about the dream I had about him. NO, it wasn’t a loin shaking, earth shattering, sex dream (sorry, I’m disappointed too); the only thing we did in the dream was kiss. It wasn’t bad. But I’m a pretty good kisser, so I couldn’t help but be disappointed that it was all just a dream. So if all I could do was think about kissing him before, then it’s REALLY all I can thin about now. And you know, my friends kept telling me that he liked me, but I didn’t believe them. Somehow I wish I would have listened.

So I want to say this, incase Jeff clicks the blog link on my facebook page, Jeff, I’m sorry that I ignored you all that time, and more importantly, I’m sorry that I laid all of this on you right before you left. It is totally selfish on my part and I shouldn’t have done that to you, I should have just kept my feelings to myself. Now, having said that, since we are going out for lunch tomorrow, if I do happen to grow a set of brass cajonies (sp?), and I do kiss you, don’t be shocked. And if I loose what little bit of nerve I have left, you can feel free to kiss me first, I won’t push you away.

*See previous blog regarding my current unemployment status. Possible future rants regarding THE BITCH to follow.

P.S. I would also like to say, that coming up sometime in the next week or so, you will get an entry titled “100 things you should know about me.” I just have to think of 100 things to say about myself. Heck, you already know that I don’t have the balls to kiss a guy that I like, so what else is there to know really….

School's out for summer

Well, I’m finally finished with classes this quarter. FINALLY!!! And I get a whole 2 week off to rest before summer classes begin. Not that I have much to rest up on, I mean, heck, it’s not like I WORK or anything like that.

Speaking of work, I have become a pariah. I mean SERIOUSLY!!! Can’t a girl get a job anymore??? I applied for a part time position as a bank teller and was turned down for someone “more qualified.” What, do I have to have a Frackig Master’s Degree to cash people’s checks??? I mean SERIOUSLY people, what the hell???? And it’s not like I’m applying for jobs that are out of my league (well, maybe a few, but those jobs I don’t really want anyway, I just thought it would be fun to apply anyway). It’s not like I can’t do anything either! I mean, I have a lot of skills. And I KNOW I don’t have a Bachelor’s Degree yet, but I’M WORKING ON IT!!!!

This bull shit is just so darn frustrating. And then I get the lecture from my parents about “the power of positive thinking.” Yeah, like I need one other thing to worry about. Honestly, if they knew half the shit that was going on around here, they’d take their “positive thinking” and shove it where the sun don’t shine!!! See if I call them for Father’s Day again. According to my Mom, all I have to do is decide what kind of job I want and then believe (positively) that I’ll get it and I will. Sure. Says the woman who has actually gone to nursing school and has been a nurse her whole life so doesn’t need worry about trying to find a job… Oh, and my step dad is no better, he’s a PA and has been just about forever (he was a nurse before that) and was in the military for 20+ ears so of course he doesn’t have to worry about a job either. Neither one of these people has ever been fired from a job (Well, I think my step-dad was once, and boy let me tell you what a slap in the face with the cold hard hand of reality that was for him). I on the other hand have been fired more times than I can count.

And this last time was bull shit. I’ll admit that I was not the best employee in the company, or even in the building for that matter, but my boss was a total bitch!!!! She’d be all sweet and loving and “I’m really concerned about you and want you to do a good job” to your face, but behind your back she was checking every little thing you did, writing you up for being 1 minute over on your break and not making it up, reading your emails, and just basically badmouthing you to everyone else she could get to listen. I have several complements from customers and other employees and did she ever say anything about them? NOOOOOOOOO, but she did write me up for the 2 complaints that I got. Fucker.

OH, and then she fired one of my good friends just a few weeks after I was let go. You want to know the reason??? Because he was “too creative” for the job and it was holding him back from going any further in the company. But it does no good to complaining about her because she is one of the highest producing managers in the company so the higher ups don’t care how she gets the numbers as long as she does. Never mind that she threatens her employees. Or belittles them in front of the unit. Or “cheats” with the numbers (she actually showed me how to “manipulate” --- her word, not mine--- the system to make my numbers look better). And if the company says that you have to have a 60% accept rate on referrals, she says you have to have 70%, otherwise you aren’t meeting HER guidelines and you get written up by her for that.

But enough bitching about her. I may still be bitter, but after talking to my friends who area still there, I say good riddance because they are going through even more bull shit, and more and more of the managers are acting like The Bitch. I’ve been sitting here playing on the computer with my hair in a towel for a few hours now and I think it’s time to try and do something with my hair so that it looks semi human and go do the running around that I was going to do today. Yeah me….

Later everyone. I’ll write more later.

I RANT, THEREFORE I AM

I RANT, THEREFORE I AM
(Title stolen from Dennis Miller’s book of the same name)

With the upcoming elections, I have been forced to sit and listen to my friend’s give their thoughts (over inflated under informed opinions) on the candidates, as well as relive their favorite tirades on the current administration. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not George W.s biggest fan, far from it. But nor am I his biggest supporter.
Now, I’m not saying that GW is our best and brightest president of all time (I’d be lying if I did) but he is not the worst either. What really annoys me are the uninformed (or sometimes ill-informed) masses who have their handy dandy “Count Down To The End Of The Bush Administration Clock” plastered on their desk top or the top of their Blog page. It’s not my fault that your guy wasn’t smart enough to teach the old people on Florida how to fill out a ballot so he chicken out at the last minute and left the race. Why don’t you go hand out with him and figure out what he did wrong.
And I’m also sick to death of talking about Ol’ Billy boy. PLEASE!!!! You can’t honestly tell me that Hillary was a good president the first time she was in office; now you are thinking she’ll do a good job the second time around??? OH, I know I’m going to piss some people off with that one, but let’s face it, Bill was too busy getting blow jobs in the oval office to do anything but miss-handle campaign funds and being impeached. And didn’t they try to steal furniture on their way out of the White House??? And these are the people that some Americans want back in Office? Lying, Thieving, Whormongers???
As for the next President, I’m so glad that Hillary FINALLY decided to concede and back out of the race. I was on the verge of packing my bags and getting my passport in order so that I could move to Canada. And I have friends there, so getting a sponsor isn’t a problem for me, not something that every American can say.
But back to my point (I know I got off of it, but that’s what rants do), if you don’t like the job that the current President is doing, then GET OFF OF YOUR WHINING, BITCHING, MOANING, TOO LAZY TO DO ANYTHING ELSE ASS, GO TO WASHINGTON DC AND DO THE DAMN JOB YOURSELF!!!!

Finally back again

Hello to all of you who have missed my blogging. OK, that would be me, and no one else. It's not like I had a loyal following...

Anyway, just incase someone stumbles accross this and decides that they want to read it, I'm back. And I'll do my best to keep up. I'm also going to put a link on my facebook account so that may get me one or two readers somewhere down the line.

Sorry for the long absence. I have no excuse. I was just being lazy.

~D~