Day 2 of not hearing from F.  Yeah, that's his first initial.  F.  I feel like I'm totally stalking him now.  I've called, I don't know HOW MANY times.  IM'd him.  Emailed him.  Sent about a bizillion texts.  Even started a letter.  Haven't decided if I'm going to send it or not yet.

I feel like I've turned into this psycho, lunatic, crazy, bitch that I don't even recognize...  This is not like me.  I'm not like this...

What's wrong with me???

New Beginnings (again...)

Seems like every couple of years I hop on here (after spending 20 min trying to recover my password) and try to figure out what is going on in my life by putting it into words.  Hopefully in an entertaining manner (for the, what, 2 readers I have) that make sense.  I'm not doing so well at the making sense part right now, but oh well...  

So let me catch you up on what has been going on in my life.

OK, last time I was on her I was talking about my PMSing Fuck Buddy.  He's gottten married.  Big whoop.  I wasn't that into him.  Still working at the same job.  Still sucks.  I finished my BS.  That was good.  Fell off my front porch & broke my foot.  Had to have some surgery to fix it.  that sucked more.  Started my Masters.  Not as glamorous as it sounds.  Still hate school.  But, on the plus side, I don't have to take any more math!!!

OK, so that brings us up to present.

So I met this guy.  IM'd a bit.  Texted A LOT.  Talked on the phone a bit.  After a couple of weeks finally went out.  then he came over a couple of times...  Things were going great, or so I though.  I mean, he went out of his way to come over when I was angry just so that e could make me smile.  All because he could tell by my texts that I was upset.  Really sweet.

THEN... he looses his phone.  So I don't hear from him for a week.  Finally he gets his phone back and is barely communicating with me.  In fact, haven't heard from him at all today.  Texted a bit last night.

So I suppose that it's asking too much that things go back to the way they were.

So of course, now I'm punishing him for the way my ex acted.  One day that dick head just stopped calling, emailing, texting, everything.  Completely dropped off the planet.  So now I'm treating the new guy like the ass whole.

I admit that I've always had low self-esteem, but this is a low point, even for me.

I've been texting him non-stop.  Leaving messages.  Messaging him on facebook.

It's crazy.  I mean we only went out for a short time.  But I was developing deep feelings for him.  I have to say that my heart is nearly broken.  and I don't know what to do about out.  I miss him.  And now I'm afraid I've fucked things up big time....

I am SUCH an idiot....